i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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