You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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