Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
