yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
