Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
