They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
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please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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