My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
