Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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