Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
