btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
