He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
