Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
