im six kinds of drunk right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
