Are we in a gay sports bar?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
