So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
