I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
