4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
