So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am available for nakedness
I licked your asshole in confidence.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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