She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
