i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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