i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Small penises have feelings too.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
