Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
