just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize