3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
