my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
