some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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