He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
