i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I will be naked everywhere
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
