she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
