You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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