this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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