There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
