I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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