You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
