i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
