I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
