the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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