New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
