i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
