this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
