do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
