You can't special order awesome
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
