I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
