Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
