When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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