I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?