So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.