my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sex on roller skates
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week