even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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