Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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