they need to just BURY HIM!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
