I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
