it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
