I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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