I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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