Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
