He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
