Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
