I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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