You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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