Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
