This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
