Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
