I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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