I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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