ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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